Bedside Confession
by Shakespeare's Lady
Summary: Cas is dying. Dean rushes to his bedside and finally tells him how he feels. Is it too late?
1. Chapter 1

**A/N** : So I began thinking that the only way Dean will confess how he feels is if Castiel is dying. And he has the opportunity to. It seems like Cas just gets taken away from him and he has to deal with the pain and grief.

* * *

The beeping of the monitors were no longer noticeable. The sound of the breathing machine purred. Up and down. Up and down. The man on the bed was still. He looked gaunt; broken. His once angelic face now bruised and beaten, his broken nose covered in tape. Bruising by his left temple and a cut on his lip. Fractured ribs, a broken leg and sprained wrist rounded out the rest of the external injuries. Inside was much worse.

The sound of footsteps filled the quiet hallway. The boots pounded on the linoleum as the man ran to the room, skidding to a stop and almost running into the crash cart. Steadying himself, he straightened and crossed the threshold.

He sucked in a breath. The sight before him almost brought him to his knees. Tears sprung to his eyes. He stared at the broken body and uttered one word.

"Cas."

No movement.

He stepped closer, unable to take his eyes off of the man. His heart ached and he could literally feel it tearing as he watched the breathing machine give life to the man he loved.

 _Love_ , he thought. _Yeah, my love for him got him here. If I hadn't been so damn insistent that he return to heaven to repair the damage, he'd still be here. In the bunker with us._

 _With me._

He let out a shaky breath and gently, tentatively, reached for his hand. It was cold and limp. Not like the other times he had touched him. Literally touched the Adonis and set his body on fire. He craved those touches. He lived for losing himself in those beautiful blue eyes; blue too believable to be real. But they were. And he loved those eyes.

He loved everything about his angel.

Trying to steady his breathing, he closed his eyes and remembered the phone call.

" _Dean!" Sam said. "Castiel fell."_

" _What?"_

" _Castiel fell from heaven. They beat him and threw him down. He's...he's not looking good Dean. I'm taking him to the hospital."_

Dean left the ammo in the store as he bolted out the door. He didn't even remember starting Baby or revving the engine as he broke every speed limit to get to the hospital. He may have even caused an accident or two but he didn't care. And when he arrived, Sam was there with some woman.

"Dean," Sam breathed. The woman turned around.

"Beth," Dean growled. He stepped towards her when Sam stopped him. He shot his brother a look.

"Beth wasn't responsible for Castiel's fall," Sam said. "She's been trying to get the necessary ingredients to save him."

The blonde smirked at Dean.

"Not that I wouldn't love to go a few rounds with you," she spat at the older Winchester. "You need to listen."

"I'm not listening to anything you say," Dean growled. "You may not have thrown him out but you are the one who orchestrated it."

"Castiel is dying," she said curtly. Dean stopped. He glanced at his brother, heart pounding. "Before you see him, you need to know that."

"Then save him," he growled. "Boy it's like you angels get dumber and dumber."

She narrowed her eyes. Sam looked at his brother, eyes sad. He knew what was coming.

"What?" Dean barked.

"We can't."

"What do you mean you can't?"

The blonde woman actually looked contrite.

"He's at the end of his cycle. He's used up all his chances." Beth's eyes were cold, dead. Her voice was monotone, as though she was reciting lines. "He will die and this time, not come back. The fallen angel is done."

Dean's knees gave out and he collapsed onto the linoleum. Sam kept a hand on his brother's back while he tried to regulate his breathing.

 _He will die_. Beth's words repeated in his head. No more chances. The angel that Dean loved more than anything in the world was leaving him once again; permanently this time.

 _No,_ he said silently. _Please god, no._

Sam looked at Beth. "Isn't there ANYTHING you can do? A spell, a prop. Hell, call Crowley. I don't care. We need him." He glanced down at his brother, still hunched down. " _HE_ needs him."

 _If he loses Castiel again, I will lose him._ A shudder went down Sam's spine.

"I didn't think Dean needed anything, especially him." Beth's cold eyes narrowed. "Castiel was convinced of that."

Dean narrowed his eyes and stood slowly. The blade in his sleeve slid to his hand. Sam drew in a breath.

 _Not here_ , Sam thought.

"We fought, yes." Dean's green eyes bore into her as he slowly approached. "But it was because I was trying to help him fix things. I _wanted_ him to return to heaven; to get his grace back."

"And you killed him in the process," she spat. Dean raised the blade.

"Dean," Sam said quietly. "Ignore her. Go to him. I'll deal with her."

She laughed. Dean growled, feeling the cold handle of the blade. He wanted so much to plunge it into her, to see her life being taken. To see her dead and Castiel alive. And in his arms.

"Dean," Sam said softly, putting his hand on his brother's shoulder. He was hurting himself; Castiel was like a brother to him. He could only imagine Dean's pain.

Dean stared at Beth for another minute before he retracted the blade. Pushing past her, he began walking.

"At least he'll die finally at peace knowing his love was unrequited."

He turned and looked at her. Without a word, he broke into a run to find his angel.

Dean snapped out of his musings when the EKG monitor beeped faster. He saw the pulse pick up; Cas was alive! He squeezed his hand; hoping against hope that he could hear him.

"Cas," he breathed. How many times had he said that name? How many times had he caressed it? How many times did it die on his tongue as he drifted off to sleep? How many times did the name Cas bring him peace?

"Cas I'm here. I dropped everything to come to you. Sam's here too. And Beth," he spat out. "She told me what happened. I'm so sorry, Cas. Had I known they would do this to you, I would have kept you with me." He swallowed. Cas' breathing had slowed again. The fingers that held his weakened their grip.

He shook his head. A tear ran down his cheek.

"I need you, Cas. It's not easy to admit it, but I do. You and Sammy are my family. I love both of you."

Dean swallowed again. He hated talking about this. But he had to.

"But I love you in a different way. You got in, Cas. Past my barriers. I never wanted to get close to anyone because of this life. Everyone I care about dies. And now you..." He choked on his words.

"I love you, Castiel. So much. So much it hurts. You took this broken shell of a man and made it feel. Made it love. You had to make me fall in love with an angel, didn't you?" He smirked at that. Cas' hand squeezed his. He returned the squeeze.

"Please come back to me, buddy. I can't lose you again. It will break me. I PROMISE I will show you exactly how I feel, how I've always felt." He took a step closer to Castiel and gently ran his fingers over his face. He felt Castiel lean into his touch.

 _He's still here_ , Dean thought, smiling.

"Beth is a liar. She has always wanted to separate us. She told you that my feelings for you were unrequited. And I don't blame you for believing her; after all I haven't shown you much have I? Because I'm an asshole and pushed you away so many times.

"But know this, Cas. I have died every day waiting for you. That may be a line from that stupid song, but it's true. With you, I feel safe. At home. You and Sammy are my weaknesses. But you're also my strength. When I feel I can't go on, you come through. Even Sammy doesn't do that. I would give my life for him but he doesn't get me out of my funk. YOU do, Cas.

"I had considered suicide the last time I thought you were dead. I was tired of losing everyone that mattered to me. You most of all. I just wanted to stop the pain. And then you came back." His hand moved and he traced a line over Castiel's broken lips.

"Come back to me. I promise I will utilize these lips. I will make you realize that you are loved and always have been. I NEED you, Cas. I LOVE you."

The monitor flatlined. Dean stared at it in horror.

"NO!" he shouted as the medical team ran into the room. Sam, who had approached sometime earlier (and heard most of the conversation), grabbed his brother who was desperately trying to save his angel. He pulled his struggling brother back to the door.

Chaos all around and for Dean, everything went in slow motion. He heard the rush of air along with the beating of his heart. He saw Sammy in front of him but he couldn't make out what he was saying. He looked back into the room, to his beautiful angel as the team worked desperately to save him.

"No," he whispered. "No."

* * *

 **A/N** : I plan on a second chapter, but I'm still deciding if Cas lives or not. Would serve Dean right if he had to spend the rest of his life mourning his angel. Then again, he deserves some happiness.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N:** Brace yourself, this gets bad.

Disclaimer: I do not own Supernatural. If I did, Destiel would have happened years ago.

* * *

"No," Dean whispered over and over again. "No."

Sam shirt was damp with Dean's tears, but he didn't care. He was crying too. They had both lost someone today; someone important. A brother to him, a lover to Dean.

He held his brother as he continued to shudder. Another tear ran down Sam's face.

 _Castiel was a brother to me. I loved him as one._

"Dean," Sam said softly. Dean pulled away from Sam, eyes red. He looked through the window of the door, and quietly entered. Castiel lay on the bed, immobile, pale. He looked like he was just sleeping peacefully. And perhaps for once, he was.

Dean took his hand again. Cold, dead. Sam had followed and stood at the edge of the bed. He watched his brother intently.

"You gonna be alright?"

Dean shook his head. He stroked Castiel's face gently. Sam's heart ached at the scene in front of him.

The taller hunter knew his brother could be soft, even when he tried to prove otherwise. But he was fascinated nonetheless with watching him at the moment. His calloused hands treated his angel as though he was made of the finest crystal. He was so gentle, so loving.

Sam had heard most of the confession. He had known his brother was in love with the blue-eyed angel, had known for years, and he had tried to get him to open up about it numerous times, but it never worked. And he knew this love had been around awhile; he had seen it ever since he returned from purgatory. Dean's whole manner was different around Castiel. He was more at home with him. He looked at him more, touched him more, and even wanted to do things with him just to spend time with him. Beer runs, watching movies, even just sitting by him and talking about the latest hunt. Dean hid it well, but not well enough. He couldn't fool his younger brother.

The last time he and Dean had lost Cas, it hit him really hard. He couldn't even look at the Nephilim that they were responsible for. He blamed him for it, which was partially true. But Dean's grief was apparent. He didn't laugh or smile; he stayed in his room drinking and listening to music. He would take a case to take his mind off of his pain, but that usually only lasted a short while. And the hunted usually ended up deader than dead because Dean let some of his grief spill out onto it.

Sam saw his brother's change when Castiel returned to them. He was a whole new person. He was excited and smiled. Sam had truly been worried about his brother and was finally able to relax. He was happy Cas was back too but he knew how much he meant to his brother.

And now, he was gone permanently.

Dean bent down and gently pressed his lips to the unmoving angel's. Then he laid his forehead against him. Sam sighed.

"Dean," he said softly.

Dean made no movement of acknowledging him. Sam figured it was for the best. He saw a tear slide down his brother's cheek and land on Castiel's nose. Sam walked around to the other side of the bed by his brother and approached.

"I'm so sorry, Dean."

Dean closed his eyes. "Yeah, me too."

Sam placed a hand on Dean's shoulder and felt it shaking. His brother was crying in earnest now. Sam let him have this. His hand moved down Dean's back and he rubbed him in between his shoulder blades.

"I was a fool, Sammy. So damn foolish and afraid when I could have just manned up and told him how I felt. I was afraid I would lose him." He raised his head, wet eyes never leaving the angel's. "Didn't matter; I lost him anyway."

Sam removed his hand. "He knew Dean," he said quietly. "We all knew."

Dean scoffed. "Yeah, here I thought I was hiding but it was obvious. Just not to him." His left hand stroked Cas' temple.

"He heard you earlier."

Now Dean looked at Sam. "What?"

Sam gestured. "Earlier, before he crashed, he heard you. He heard you tell him. He didn't die knowing it was unrequited."

Dean nodded his head. "Yeah I guess."

Sam once again placed a hand on his brother's shoulder. "We should go. We have to plan." He squeezed the shoulder.

Dean took in a deep breath and nodded. He leaned forward and pressed a kiss to Castiel's forehead and then his lips once again.

"Goodbye Cas. I love you. I always will."

Straightening up, he followed Sam out of the room. He handed his brother the keys to the Impala and didn't say anything else.

Dean didn't speak for the rest of the week. He stayed in his room, as Sam predicted. No effort to find a case. Nothing. He had given up. Sam checked on him numerous times, but he either ignored him or just grunted. Sometimes he was just lying on his bed, other times he was listening to music and filling his body with alcohol.

Sam knew what was coming. He tried talking to his brother because he hated the thought he was going to be alone. But he knew. And he was prepared for it. It would hurt like hell, but he had had a backup plan from the last time they lost Castiel. He was just unsure when he would be putting the plan into place. He had hoped it would be years from now.

He noticed Dean's door open one day and he popped his head in, seeing a note on the bed. His heart grew sad as he read it.

" _Sammy,_

 _Take good care of my Baby. I love you, bro._

 _-D"_

He sank to the bed and wept, the weight of realization now hitting him. He had lost _both_ of his brothers in a week.

After a minute or so, he sang softly. He knew he would have to find his brother and bring his body back. He knew that he would have to start his backup plan. Hell, he already had. But right now, he sang the words to this song. Saying goodbye to both Dean and Castiel. It was fitting really.

"There will be peace when you are done.

Lay your weary head to rest.

Don't you cry no more."

* * *

 **A/N:** before you come after me, there is one more chapter. I couldn't decide whether to give this a happy or sad ending, so I decided on both. For those who like sad, this is it. For those who want a HEA, stay tuned!


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N:** Here is the alternative ending for those who want a HEA for our boys.

* * *

The Other End

"Dean, stop."

The gravelly voice of the man Dean loved was so welcoming to his ears that he didn't care what he said. He could have told him to go to hell, and given him directions, and Dean still wouldn't care. His angel was alive.

Dean smiled and ran his hand through Castiel's unruly hair. "I can't help it," he said of the staring. "I'm happy."

Castiel gave a small smile. Dean's heart soared. He bent down and placed a soft kiss on Castiel's lips. Then he rested his forehead against his.

"I meant everything I said," his voice was barely audible. "I love you and I'm going to utilize these plump lips."

"Dean, you're not alone."

Dean sighed and raised his head to glare at his brother. Sam stood at the foot of Castiel's bed with a smirk on his face.

"Shut it, bitch."

"Whatever, jerk."

Castiel chuckled and squeezed Dean's hand. "You two," he said shaking his head.

"We are who we are, Cas," Sam said. "We'll never change."

"I wouldn't want you to."

Dean kept staring at his angel like he was a pie he was about to devour. He was so ecstatic. His angel, the celestial being that he loved more than his own life, was alive thanks to the medical team.

It hadn't been easy. Dean hated those minutes. Hearing the monitor flatlining as his angel slipped away, watching the medical team rush in. He knew they wouldn't be able to save him; how in the hell would they know what to do?

But somehow, they did. Dean didn't know if it was Chuck intervening or just some angel in disguise, but after what seemed like a hopeless situation was suddenly reversed, Castiel was back, breathing shallowly on the bed.

As soon as the Winchesters had been shoved out of the room, Dean gripped Sammy. He needed his brother in that moment, and his brother understood. He held him as the older one wept, finally letting himself admit things that were years overdue. Sam rubbed his brother's back as Dean mumbled about how much he allowed himself to screw up by never telling Castiel how he felt. He said Cas _deserved_ to know that. And Sam agreed, nodding his head slightly against the side of his brother's temple.

Sam had known for years how the two felt about each other. It was as plain as day. He was tired of seeing them tiptoe around each other and avoid the obvious. Sam was devising a plan for them to finally get their heads out of their asses when he got the call that Cas had fallen from heaven. Fallen a very long way. He was a bit surprised Cas hadn't been hurt, but he knew that his grace protected him.

Sam closed his eyes as his brother continued to weep into his shoulder. The muffled voices in Castiel's room grew quiet. Sam heard a faint "clear!" as the paddles were activated. He squeezed his shut eyes, hoping against hope and saying a silent prayer to anyone who would listen that Castiel would come back. He needed him back, not entirely for unselfish reasons.

While he wanted Cas back for his brother of course, it was also for him. He knew that losing Cas meant he would lose his brother. He knew his brother loved him but that love wasn't enough to keep him around anymore. And Sam understood that. He didn't know how he would survive those first few weeks after he lost Jessica. He thought about ending it. But he kept fighting, for her, for his brother, for himself.

But Dean. Dean was strong, Sam knew that. He had seen so much death and destruction, had been tortured and raped in hell for Chuck's sake! But Dean kept fighting. Even after the other times he lost Castiel, he always knew he would come back. But this time was different. Sam knew it. He could feel Cas' grace waning. He knew it would only be a matter of time. Castiel was dying.

And somehow, someone brought him back. The door to his room flung open and the doctor smiled, relaying the good news. Dean's head sprang up, eyes still red and asked "what?" He couldn't believe it, but Sam smiled. He knew. He knew somehow they had gotten a miracle.

And now, standing at the foot of Castiel's bed, seeing the bruised and battered angel smile at his brother, he knew that things would be okay. Love had prevailed.

"I'll give you two a minute," he said as he hurried to the door. But then he froze in his tracks. Both Castiel and Dean saw the movement, but said nothing.

Sam's breathing hitched. He bent down to pick up the flower that was lying on the chair next to the door. There were no flowers in the room, and it was lying in a way that it couldn't have been dropped by a doctor or nurse who had rushed in.

Dean recognized the flower and his jaw dropped. Cas looked between them, knowing they were figuring it out.

Sam held the flower gingerly before taking a big whiff of it. Jasmine. The odor was potent and tears filled Sam's eyes as the other two on the side of the room watched him. Realization dawned on both the Winchester brothers as to who had saved Castiel. Who had determined that love was stronger than death. Who had shown her love by saving not only Castiel, but Dean's life as well. And in essence, protecting and saving Sammy.

Sam looked up, tears in his eyes. His hazel eyes locked with Dean's green ones and they shared a silent moment. Then Sam glanced at Castiel to find kind, knowing eyes. Cas smiled slightly and nodded. Sam smiled back and fingered the flower.

The one who saved Castiel. The one who saved his brother. The one who saved him. All because of the most powerful force on Earth…love.

Jessica.

* * *

 **A/N:** I really hadn't intended for Jessica to be the one, but as the chapter progressed, I realized that yes, she is always with Sammy. And by saving Cas, she saves her love. So I hope you liked this end. Thanks for reading. :)


End file.
